An Ode to The Traditionalists

I am so much more than a wife and a mother. I am a strong, independent, hell of a damn woman. I’m honest, loyal, introverted, passionate and I have one hell of a sailors mouth. Cliché it all may be, but cliché I certainly am not. I have over come a lot in my life and I’ve done it all in the most unbelievable and untraditional ways possible. Ughhh I hate that word… I can honestly say if there were one word I truly hated, it would be traditional. (Fun Fact: it was banned from being spoken at my wedding) What society deems traditional must be what is supposed to be the status quo for EVERYONE. Bullshit. Society does not define me; I’ve defined the woman I’ve become.

That said there are some traditional habits I’ve embraced whole heartedly. In the traditional fashion, I wear an engagement ring, post pictures of my family on social media, budget the household finances with my husband, you know the “stuff” all married couples do. But (and please allow me to destroy that perfect image of marital bliss) that doesn’t define you. My husband is the partner I chose to take the seat next to me on this ride and he me, not an accessary that society has deemed necessary to obtaining a “fulfilled life.”

That’s just fucking hilarious.

So I’ve compiled a comprehensive list of rules society states all married women must/cannot do otherwise you will be subjected to questions, rumors, dirty stare downs and disrespect.

  1. You must maintain a constant influx of photos to your social media accounts of you and your husband (and children)
  2. You mustn’t ever post a selfie
  3. You must never smile at another man, even if that man is the regular who delivers the Friday night pizza
  4. You must never express your frustration concerning your husband to any coworkers or friends
  5. You must, and this is very important, appear happy in your relationship at all times
  6. You must always wear your wedding band
  7. You must not have any male friends and you certainly cannot see them without your husband present
  8. YOU CANNOT FLIRT, even if that’s your personality. You must change it whilst in public.

Please, do close your mouth now. Is that not the most unrealistic and not to mention absurd list you’ve ever read? Now that the ridiculousness is over, lets get to the real heart of the matter.

Marriage is work. Long-term relationships are work. Couples constantly need to remind themselves every year why they stay, why they find their partner attractive – it’s work to look at that partner day in and day out and still find them smoldering. It’s harder to stay than it is to leave, especially if either of you are attractive; it makes staying that much harder.

Long-term relationships are a glorious but uphill battle. The absolute last thing any woman needs in her life is judgement, especially from the rigid traditionalists.

At the end of the day you need only to remember one thing: your partner knows you. No explanation is ever needed of your personality to them. They married you knowing who you really are. Never let the traditionalists make you feel as though you owe them any explanation, ever. You keep doing you. Keep doing whatever it is that is keeping the fire in your relationship ablaze. If that means monogamy, swinging, having a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy or a hall pass, then OK. It isn’t our place to judge a healthy relationship; it’s our place to judge your horrific food choices.

 

xoxo Amanda

Leave a Reply